You know how people say that, when two people are always with each other, they are attached at the hip? Well, what if you could actually do that with someone you loved spending time with? And by “attached at the hip” I mean surgically connected ass-to-mouth via your gastric system and by “someone you loved spending time with” I mean a girl you’re traveling through Europe with and some random Asian guy.
I heard about this movie on i09. I love B-horror movies, or movies that have crazy cult followings like Evil Dead or Argento films. Something like this is totally in my wheelhouse, which I know sounds weird, but I do love thrillers or horror movies that really “go there.”
If you have absolutely no idea what this movie is and have never heard of it, the title really says it all, actually: a mad doctor kidnaps three people to create a “human centipede”. The three humans consist of two dumb-ass American girls who get a flat outside the doctors house and one real feisty Asian guy who doesn’t speak English, but sure does yell a lot in Japanese. One of the two girls tries to escape and is punished by being designated as the middle section! Take note: if you are ever kidnapped by a mad scientist or doctor or whatever, just corroporate. Otherwise, you are going to become the middle part of the human centipede. Important life lesson.
Ultimately, this movie wouldn’t have worked without Deiter Laser, the guy who plays the evil Dr. Heiter. He’s so creepy and emaciated and German-looking that it starts to feel like a medical documentary he’s so spot-on an dedicated.
The best part is when the Doc forces his victims to watch a disturbing slide presentation, full of almost child-like drawings of his plans for them
“See, I’m going to attach YOUR mouth to HIS anus? I mean, get it? It’s brilliant right?!”
Now I know it said it was 100% medically accurate, so I’d like to get a real doctor’s opinion. You know, like that physicist who wrote, albeit satirically, about Hot Tub Time Machine and it’s validity.
I will admit, and maybe I shouldn’t, that I almost wanted it to be MORE gross and fucked up. It totally was gross and fucked up, but I feel like the premise really gave them a license to push every boundry and they didn’t. But like every good B-horror, weird, destined-to-be a cult classic film, I laughed most of the way through it.
Here’s hoping we’ll see some Human Centipede halloween costumes.
